Grandfather Sasuke
by Witch of Darkness
Summary: Watch, as everyones favorite avenger harasses new generations of Uchihas. And you thought Sasuke was neurotic now. rated to be safe Oneshot


(A/N) Okay, this story is really rather stupid but on some level it amused me so I'm sharing it with you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. End of Story.

Aki fidgeted slightly in her seat, hoping that if she wiggled in just the right way, she'd be able to scratch the itch that had formed where her stiff and formal clothing had rubbed in just the wrong place. She really did hate New Years and the annual visit to Grandfather Uchiha. It was always the same, ever since she could remember, every holiday she would be presented to her ancient and senile grandfather so that he might critique her appearance, mannerisms and general dispositions. His criticism wasn't exactly constructive either; last year for example, her long black hair had been labeled a "disgrace to the noble and ancient ninja tradition of the Uchiha clan, clearly making her unfit for battle." The year before that her boyish spikes were considered "undignified, unfeminine and generally abhorrent." This year Aki had gone with a non-descript pony tail hoping against hope that her hair at least might escape without comment.

Glancing at the clock, Aki felt a ripple of icy fear run down her spine, it was 5:15 and if her grandfather was consistent about anything it was a general loathing for anything less than punctual. There would be no more waiting, it was now or never. Gathering up her courage and nerve, Aki knocked politely before entering the study in which her grandfather spent most of his days.

As she entered, she glanced about nervously making a quick survey of the area, (for ninja reasons of course, she was certainly not looking for any possible exits.) For Aki, visits to her grandfather's home were a relative rarity but frequent enough to give this room the aura of a mysterious acquaintance. Of course the aura might just have been a byproduct of her grandfather's insanity leaking into the general vicinity of his being. You could never really be sure.

Uchiha Sasuke was an old man, at least for a civilian he was old, for a ninja he was ancient. His bones were brittle now, and his face seemed to have been carved from the most weathered wood, the frown etched deep into his forehead, but his dark, piercing eyes still held remnants of the man he'd been. Every now and again they would swirl with red, and sometimes like today, they would be alight with a kind of fervor that lent most people the belief that Uchiha Sasuke for all his former glory had gone a bit batty.

"Don't dawdle," his crusty voice snapped causing Aki to wince a bit, "come closer."

Standing straight and tall, Aki approached his chair. "Good evening, Grandfather," she intoned carefully thinking it was best to come off as polite.

She stood there trying not to fidget for a long while her grandfather looked her up and down with a no doubt ridiculously judgmental eye. "Well?" he said at last.

"Well what, Grandfather?" Aki replied desperately trying to sound dignified.

Her grandfather seemed to grow a little in his chair, eyes glinting manically. "Well, why aren't you pregnant?"

All thoughts of decorum and appearances fled Aki's mind as numb horror and disbelief flew in to replace them. Dimly, she thought she heard the sound of her jaw hitting the floor. For a heart beat or two, she simply gaped, her mind desperately trying to make sense of such an absurd statement. She was however, an Uchiha, and eventually her agile mind started working again supplying her mouth with something along the lines of, "but, but, I'm twelve!"

"Hmph," her grandfather sniffed in disdain, "you're too tall to be twelve, you're a woman if I ever saw one."

At this Aki colored slightly, it was true that she had been the tallest in her class, and even now she towered over some of the boys, but for God's sake, she still shopped in the junior's department. This was without a doubt the craziest thing her grandfather had ever said including that time he'd berated her older brother for "smiling too loudly."

"I see how it is," came her grandfather's voice, "you're just one more ungrateful brat with no loyalty to your clan or your family. Don't you realize that if the clan of Uchiha is to replenish itself we need full commitment from all members?" as he said this he shuffled over to a piece of paper which he had evidently be working on before thrusting it under Aki's nose. "This," he said, "is what we need if we're going to achieve our former glory and numbers."

In his hand was a very precise family tree that had clearly been drawn to show the reproductive schedules of the extended Uchiha family. Aki noted dimly that her brother and a few of her cousins were scheduled as having multiple wives and that she herself was apparently signed up for about eight children.

"I realize," Aki's grandfather said, "that you and Tome will be having your children out of wedlock but that's unavoidable. The Uchiha name must live on!"

Again all Aki could do was stare in blankly and incredulously as phrases like, "We have a quota to fill!" and "Must stay on schedule!" drifted past her ears. Then, unbidden, a feeble noise of protest crossed Aki's lips. Her grandfather stopped mid tirade and fixed her with a slightly insane glare, his own sharingan appearing in his excitement.

"Do you know," he said softly, "what happens to traitors in this family? Well I'll show you." He shifted again, and pointed a gnarled hand at the mantle piece. It was all Aki could do to keep from fainting. "See!" her grandfather was saying, "See what happens!"

Suddenly a new voice broke in, "Yes, yes, we've all seen Uncle Itachi's head in the formaldehyde, jar. You can stop yelling now father." In that moment, in Aki's eyes, there was no one in the world more beautiful than Aunt Sachiko. "Come along now father, it's time for your nap," her aunt said as she led him away. "You can go on home," she said to Aki, "I'll probably be visiting your mother later."

With that, Aki called a hasty good-bye before exiting the house as quickly as possible. The last thing she heard was her grandfather lecturing her aunt about only having two children. Aki sighed, he just hadn't been the same since Grandmother Sakura had passed away, but really, hadn't they convinced him to get rid of Uncle Itachi's head years ago?

(A/N) I wrote another story about Sasuke's problems with romance that played a bit with his whole 'restore my clan' obsession. This is basically, Sasuke as an old man letting said obsession overcome his 'better' nature. Hmm, I seem to be forming a pattern of harassing O.C.s. Anyway, leave a review, loved it, hated it, etc.


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